Pete's dog

I guess Gracie, once Pete's faithful companion, is now my faithful companion.  Her aged bulldog face reflected a nearly exaggerated sad, mournful visage after Pete didn't return home.  I'm sure she was used to his coming and going, to his periods of absence when he was hospitalized or in rehab, but now life is different for her. Now she's had her first bath in years.  The day before Pete's funeral, I coerced one of the boys to scrub her in the shower.  Now she gets brushed more, her face gets daily swipes to remove grit that all bulldog faces are prone to, and she's outside more--keeping me company as I work on the yard or in the garden.

Often she sits on the grass in the middle of the yard, head erect, eyeing the neighborhood.  I wonder if she's looking for Pete, if she's thinking he'll round the corner with his walker.  Then there are times she simply lies on the concrete driveway and basks in the sun or simply lies in wait until I go inside and beckon for her to follow.

Her ability to hear is nearly gone.  I realize she could be simply ignoring me when I call, but she barks at sights (a person approaching the house) rather than at hearing the approach.  Or she'll misinterpret a noise I make in the kitchen for a knock at the door and will begin barking.

Because now that acorns adorn the lawn, I'm vigilant about clearing her poo daily, lest the poo and the acorns look too similar and I can't find it to toss into the garbage.  We've begun walking more--for Pete had not been able to walk her for several years.  We begin by going down the hill of The Fairway, around the lake in front of our old house, and up the lake road hill, taking a left onto South Lane, and eventually back to Ridge Road.  A circular route of about a quarter mile perhaps--but it really exhausts Gracie and she pants for a good hour after our walk.  I'm thinking she may get used to these walks and with more "training," may be in better physical shape.

But Grace is old for a bulldog.  She's twelve, and I've heard this breed is not blessed with a long life--usually eight years.  But I've always been adamant about keeping her weight down, about allowing no table food, about feeding her a good-quality dry dog food.

And now Grace has more sleeping beds around the house than ever before.  When she licks her paws, a sign of anxiety?,  she leaves a stain or marks on the floor or carpet.  So the doggie beds are in nearly every room so she can lick to her heart's content and keep any gunk on the bed itself and off the floor/carpet.

I've vowed to give up on owning a dog once Gracie goes.  The spiny white hairs seem to be everywhere.  Were I to get another dog, it would definitely be a non-shedder, as well as something a bit smaller and cuddlier.  Not that she doesn't want to cuddle, but it's impossible--like inviting a pig onto the chair or bed.  It just doesn't work.

But when Gracie goes, another part of Pete goes, and that makes me sad.  I'm caring for her because he can't, and both she and I are grieving in our own way--together.